apt-get's journal

And so Ramadan ends.

Visiting family. I've been trying to take a good look at all of my loved ones' traits, their tone of voice, the details of their faces. Wrinkles and grey hairs, frowns and smiles, cacklings and little pauses.

I'm surprised at how intimidating it all feels. There's looking at someone and then there's looking at someone, bearing myself to acknowledge the weight of their years.
How many more meetings? Moments spent together like this? Maybe once or twice a year? For how long? With whom?

Beyond the pleasantries and small talk, I can feel I'm not one of "the kids" anymore... sitting with the other men in my family, an understanding that we're all in the same boat together. "How have things been?", "Oh, fine, you know", said with this ever-so-slight pinch that I know betrays a contrasted picture behind the veil. I would say the same thing, after all.

Days like these make me feel like I'm floating in midair, suspended in time. I can sense I need more of that in my life but it's pretty much impossible to stop the clock, you know? Gotta work to eat and subside, I mean subsist. Rebel against mindless week nights, try and make the most of the weekends: I fight my battles diligently but, still, I wish it were a little gentler.

Pictures of the day: onenhillion - my record of love.