apt-get's journal

I've been feeling a sense of general uneasiness concerning the future lately. Now that I'm in a somewhat calm period of the semester, with winter break coming up and about 6 weeks before finals, I've been lifted from the stress of exams and dropped straight into long-term thinking anxiety. 21st birthday soon, a summer that will be spent slaving away on internship, the start of larger-scale group projects, preparations for a potential semester abroad (layer 2!) on foreign exchange next year, and just the realization I won't be able to take it easy for long anymore.

This was the year of missed opportunities. I feel like I've grown, to some extent, or at least got to know myself better (turns out I'm resilient to lack of social interaction, though the continued onslaught of cancelled plans and general doom makes those rare moments of crippling loneliness all the more soul-crushing), but god did I fucking waste it.

Hazy days spent listening to music and waking up at 6AM to do programming challenges, then taking the opportunity to nap in boring morning lectures. Staring at the ceiling for hours in-between online festival streams (the only good thing to come out of this lockdown) and frantic scrambles for homework delivery. Watching shows way past midnight and wrecking my sleep schedule over and over again...

A half-assed youth, fun but unrewarding. I don't want to put in efforts, I just want to go back.

Shami said she was here, or so she claims. What a cutie.

I'll be playing for #OHR2021 next month, on January 3rd. Should be fun, so mark that on your calendar.

Listen to GO!GO!7188 - Ame nochi ame nochi ame, and just the entire album in general. Doesn't get better than this...