apt-get's journal

Spring break is already over. There are less than two months left before I finish my second year of engineering school, and I've only started to realize in the past couple of months how blazingly fast time is flying. The first half of my (post-secondary) student life is almost over; the most I can drag it back is to a third, if I stack on a couple more years in academia. It's all passing so fast, so why am I constantly wasting hours on pointless things?

I've always seen myself as the protagonist of my own story. Admittedly, it isn't an epic, but I've always tried to set myself a little apart from others, even if that was only in my head. The result isn't quite impressive: average academically, underwhelming socially, and no grand vision to Change The World™. The only thing I'm lucky to have is time, as I am barely entering my young adult years, but that is no excuse to let the clock idly tick away.

Actually, there's definitely two things: time, and hard-working friends that are progressing through sheer willpower and discipline. The feelings of shame and respect their achievements incite push me to feel discontent towards my own complacency.

There are so many worthwhile things I want to do: read, study, discover new hobbies and learn new skills... yet I spend hours upon hours in front of this computer, this damned computer that keeps me hooked up until 3 A.M. every night. It's an addiction, and I fully acknowledge it, but breaking the habit is so hard when you have the option of mindlessly browsing imageboard threads instead of putting your mind to use.

I have spent the past two weeks of Easter vacation without a computer, and mostly restricted my phone to traveling utilities and music. It was really enjoyable (I'll post a travel log soon!), and gave me some undistracted time to think about what I want to do in the future. As soon as I came back, I cleared my anki backlog and decided to draft up a weekly schedule for school and other related matters. It's really hard and I don't always set out to do everything I've planned, especially since I've never been an organized or studious person (I prefer cramming for 10 hours in a row the day before an exam), but I hope it'll lead to future me being a little closer to my ideal.

Anyway, listen to Kikuo - 塵塵呪詛.